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Mar 2021
Dear Person Who Shall Not Be Named,
There’s poison creeping through my veins
From when you bit me and lured me in
Every moment you were here you just sank your fangs into my bones
Slowly killing me from the inside out
Blood pouring out of my heart as you tear it out of my chest
Long after I stepped away I found someone
Who treated me right and made me happy
That boy is still the love of my life
Now, I’m in his arms
Free from all harm
He actually cares about my safety
He wouldn’t dare lay a hand on me like you did
I may have sounded heartbroken over you
I just got one thing to say to you
Thank God you were just gone
I have been doing so much better without you
But this morning the worst thing imaginable happened
You texted me just as I thought I had forgotten about you
You said “I miss you” and the memories started flooding my brain
I had just started to get into a good mental state
The words “I miss you” started bring the poison back into my body
The words “I still have your hoodie because it reminds me of you” made me think
If you had really cared about me that much, why did I get hurt in the end
Why’d you lie and portray me as the bad guy to all of your friends
I never did anything wrong
I supported you when no one else would
You had me caring so deeply for you
Then you made me open up my eyes
All those times you would hit me
Or even talk about me behind my back to your friends
They bruised me, you scarred me mentally
You damaged my mental stability
You are the reason I don’t open up to others
He showed me that not every guy will break your heart the way you broke mine
He made me wanna break down my walls and start tryna care about people again
He made me realize that I was loved, that not everyone was trying to hurt me
He made me realize that I am worth so much more than all those degrading phrases you used on me
All the times you said “I love you” or “I miss you” or all the times you would try to kiss me
I knew they were fake the whole time
I knew you were trying to get something out of me
So many people told me that I should’ve left way before I actually did
You tried to say that you were the “rag doll” being drug through the mud and the dirt
You tried to say that it was “my fault”
That I was the one who hurt you
How could I have been so blind to all the lies you were telling me
Did you brainwash me?
Did you cast a spell on me?
What did you do to me that kept me around for so long?
Did you give me a love potion to make me stay in love with you?
Why did it have to happen?
Little do you know, I tried to take my life while we were together
You called me so many horrible things that it made me want to end my life
But I realized that I had a family to live for
I had a few friends
I had so many reasons to live
If I would’ve actually done it, I would’ve never met the boy that I’m in love with
I wouldn’t have ever met the amazing people who are in my life now
I just needed to open my eyes and see my worth
I never saw how much I was worth until I met Connor
Connor was the one that helped through so much of the pain you put me through
There were so many times he’s heard me cry
One of the more recent ones was when I told him the story of what you did to me
I don’t know how but he has stuck around through all the tears
He’s very overprotective over me and when i told him the story he got mad
He got mad because he never knew that had happened to me
There's still more details to that story that he doesn't know about
I’ll tell him with time but I never wanted to tell him
I didn’t want to place my burdens on him but I knew he would never hurt me
So I told him the story
I typed it out while crying
Because I knew that if I were to tell him instead of texting him I would’ve never been able to get the words out
So I sat there just typing away as tears were falling down my face
I had made a decision that night
I decided that I would never look back on our past
I would never come back to you
You damaged me too much and I’m not gonna put up with it again
I never saw my worth until I left you
Connor helped recover from you
Granted when I met him he was dating my ex best friend at the time
In a way he put me back together
He doesn’t know this, but he was the one who put me back together
At one point I guess you could say
I saw myself having a future with you
I saw us starting a family
But everytime you hurt me a tiny piece of that vision would slowly fade away
It all slowly faded until there was nothing left
You made me scared to leave
I knew you would hurt me if I left
After I left, everything that was wrong with our relationship it was my fault
I remember you called me a **** when the rumors started going around
None of those things that were said about me were true
I would never do anything like that while I’m in a relationship with someone
You were too blind with the fact that I was no longer your punching bag
That you could no longer degrade me
I don’t know what I ever saw in you
But all I gotta say is I ain’t ever coming back to you
EVER
AGAIN
SIncerely, Your Ex Abbigayl
Abbigayl Justyne
Written by
Abbigayl Justyne  17/F
(17/F)   
155
 
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