please
i need to not look at you right now
was it only last night that we were entwined as you tucked me in?
and even now, our hands are laced to the point of oneness and yet
with every turn of these wheels
you get closer
to being farther away
so please
do not look at me.

when you leave my side,
please make me hate you.
i do not want to remember how happy you make me
i do not want to remember the laughter of today
i do not want to feel every kiss you have so sweetly delivered
i do not want to plan out the family promised for years ahead
i cannot take your warmth
or another smile
a smile that is a lily blooming
i cannot take it

so please
i need to not look at you right now.

but every time,
like there's some planetary pull
the promise of love and fresh glances pulls me back to you
and when i look, for a split second,
we are both happy
blue and brown floating together
perfect and warm
and then
it shatters
and then
we remember
it will not be again in summer,
nor likely in the dance of fall
that we shall meet again.

please
do not look at me
do not make me look at you
i do not want you to see my tears
i do not want to wound you with them