Woke up in a motel
Don't know where I was
How on earth I got here
What it is I'd done

Made it to the lobby
Breakfast being served
The look they gave me had no need
For the spoken word

Eggs and bacon filled my plate
And orange juice on the side
Stares and whispers overheard
"Sorry, did you say bride?!"

That's when she sat down next to me
My new blushing bride
I hollered to the waitress
Could I also get a side of cyanide

Was I just hung over
My mind was so clouded
What was I thinking
She moved closer and crowded

"My darling lovey
You seem confused"
Her soft sweet lips
I had to refuse

With teeth of green and looks that screamed
Of farm animals on the loose
Forget the fairy tale wedding
I think I married Mother Goose

Not quite and old hag
But no beauty was near
Or maybe that's the liquor speaking
I just need to get out of here

She huffed and puffed
When I would not embrace
But oh my heavens
I couldn't bear her face

She spoke about our future
And the children we would spawn
All i could think, if we had triplets
We could name them Wrong and Wrong and Wrong

I couldn't handle the thought
I had to get far far away
But "what happened last night.."
Was all I could say

So we went to the little white chapel
And found Elvis...of all places
He sent us to Marylin Monroe
Who handles all of his divorce cases

My darling bride was rather upset
But I couldn't handle being her groom
So I did what any man would
And rid myself of my gap toothed bride and her broom

Next time I wake up in a notel motel
And don't know who or where I am
I'll pack my bags right away
And call the quickest cab