When I was a young, my greatest fear is for my loved once to be not proud of me or to be neglected. That's why I worked so hard. I made sure my grades are high, I have good work, I do my responsibilities as a child, a sister, a partner. I always acted like I don't give a **** about what people would say but I honestly do. And they didn't fail to make me feel that I have to be someone "great" for them to proud of me. It was spread out my personality like a ******* jam on a toast.

Quite sad, I know.

And now that I'm a bit older and a lot different to whoever I was before, I thought I will not get affected by such treatments anymore. But for the love of God, it happened to me again. The feeling of being kept. Hidden. Not proud of.

I feel ugly.
I feel ashamed.
I feel like I'm not worth it.

It's like a familiar punch on the face., the worse is, it broke my heart 10 times more.