Emotional and mental mess.
Nothing but distress.
Take one moment at a time
As that’s all I can seem to handle.
Not day to day anymore.
Only second to second.
These last several months, last several weeks have me ****** up.
Lost the woman I was becoming.
She’s buried within.
Soon, I’ll dig to find her.
Right now it’s hard to keep my head above the water.
Trying to keep myself from drowning.
But drowning within is the only emotion aside from anxiety that I can feel right now.
You’ve got me ****** up.
These days got me begging for mercy.
For peace, for silence.
When I can feel these things then I’ll reach for happiness once more.
I may seem calm and collected but all I want to do is cry.
Screaming inside.
If I could describe everything I’ve been feeling in this heart and mind of mine
I would tell you it’s like being a big beautifully colored bird trapped inside a cage 4x too small for me.
Suffocation desperate for resuscitation.
Let me be.
Set me free.
There won’t be any peace until all my belongings are with me.
No peace until you walk away and I lock that door.
The door that I and only myself have the ability to lock and unlock.
That’s when I click block.
Tears will run but so am I.
Running from what seems like the devil.
The narcissist inside of you.
I was wild, free, and so happy before I met you.
Free like a wild mustang.
That’s who I am.
So, let me be.
Let me back into wild where I long to be.
Had my life together before I moved under this roof.
Worked in healthcare now I’m jumping factory to factory.
Barely surviving mental health.
Not in my own home.
You took away my peace and my silence.
You took away my therapy.
My outlook on life.
Though I still believe all that I did before
All that I discovered before
I’m just waiting until my cage door opens.
I’ll be busting out
Breaking the chains off my wounded my ankles and wings.
I’ll fly so fast. Faster than you can blink your eyes.
I’m not me. Not anymore I am not.
I lost my life because of you.
And because of you I will gain it back and this time it’ll be even better.
Even when I’m kicked to the ground
Bleeding from my head and the limbs of my body
Though shall never defeat me.
I will not surrender.
Only surrendering I shall and will make is surrendering your ability to ever hurt me again.
Once that door closes
I am going to bolt it shut.
Never will you walk in through it again.
Locked and blocked you will be.
I will pray for you because it is people like you that truly need it the most.
Good riddance to you.
The friend and love I thought I once had.