How would it be when you visited me to bring food? I thought on the plane as I landed home. To pass time, I put my bedsheets in the washing machine. Taking out the trash, I started feeling empty. The empty hallway of my apartment waited for you, I waited for you too. You appearing under the golden light front my door with a cheesy smile, holding white plastic bags. Our eyes scanning each other for the smallest changes, things that we wouldn’t speak about during our calls. I notice the longing in your eyes. To be honest, I was scared of staring back into your eyes. A bit of awkwardness, maybe a bit of embarrassment. It's funny how we know each other so well but seeing each other across from the room

our eyes crossing but feeling too embarrassed to stare

not being able to touch each other

we suddenly feel so different. so separate, strangers.

in my head, I thought: what if I look at him and his eyes don’t look back?