i wrote this and dedicate this for my first love. i miss you. i'm sorry, i'll never be as good as her and i'll never be as pretty as her.*

i once loved a boy
who never (really) loved me back.

he was the one
who i thought i could spend
the rest of my life with.

he was the one
who i thought he could be
my first and my last.

but then this girl
who i called
a  m o n s t e r.
the scariest monster
she came and
she took him away.

she turned him
into someone i didn't know
she changed him
into the worst person
i've ever known
but mainly
she was the reason
why my first love gave up on me.

it was 8 a.m
           tuesday
           21st of may 2013
the sun shone so bright that morning
i got a call
it was from him
he said
he didn't love me
anymore

the worst part
from the call was
he wanted a break-up
    i said no
    i wanted him to stay
    he was the reason why i was happy
    he was the reason why i stayed strong
    he was the reason why i believed in love
    he was my  e v e r y t h i n g.
he said
i'm sorry i can't

i hung up the phone
i cried
i c ried
i c r ied
i c r i ed
i c r i e d
i  c r i e d

on that day
at 3 p.m
i texted him
the last thing
i wanted to do with him
we met
we laughed
we ate lunch
we small-talked
we were holding hands

i even forgot
about the break-up
i kept falling for him
a little bit more.

i hugged him
and
he said
    *i'm sorry, i think you and me
    we can't be together anymore
    you deserve someone better
    i'm not good enough for you
    i'm sorry

it was
the worst day of my life
the first and the worst
heartbreak in my life
e v e r.

01.10.11
until
21.05.13
598 days
of
me
and
him.

and i think that
the words
  the first rush of love
  always holds a special place
  in our hearts.
  the novelty of the feeling
  like the first drops of dew
  on an untouched leaf
  makes it special and unforgettable.
are true.

however,
my mother told me
to move on
to not linger in the past
but cherish its events
for you will never
get them back.

n.e