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Feb 2021
I'm kind of a *****.

My last resort to not believing this is the fact
that I'm still a ******.
But I suppose that doesn't mean ****.
I've gone from bed to bed,
lover to lover.
Always too afraid to take that step.

I can control myself for a while.
I'll tell myself I don't need those sensual pleasantries.
But I always come back to them
and I'll come back to the same men,
starving for seconds.

It's one thing to have your primal needs satisfied.
But those human yearnings cost so much more.
Those cravings for true affection always lie inside,
like a wolf begging for blood.

I don't want to share just a pillow with you.
I want to give you my soul, my dreams.
I want you to tame the animal
without dousing the flame.

But that's not what men like you do.
You feed the wolf.
You give it my heart
and its teeth are just so ******* sharp.
You pour water on the fire
until there's nothing but smoke,
mere remnants of what I thought we could be.

You're not my lover
and you never will be.
You're a soulless *****
with the sharpest claws.

And you want to know
what the worst part is?
When I look in your black eyes,
I see myself.
I see the kind of monster I'm becoming.
I'm turning into you;
like daddy issues, like son.

But I deserve better than that;
my soul deserves better.
Today marks a new chapter.
Hell, I'd burn the whole book
and start over again if I could.
But that's not how life works.

Starting today, I'm giving up the streets.
Have fun finding another filthy *****,
shouldn't be too hard in this town.
I'm leaving this side of the tracks;
Gonna find me a nice, warm
mansion to live in.
One with a big fireplace
for my lover and I to stoke
our embers forevermore.
Written by
JMB  18/M
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