The raindrops are falling, masking your tears as you walk out into the rainstorm.
Your clothing is soaked through.
His words ringing out over and over again inside your head.

Too much. Too emotional.
You didn’t know how Gaslighting sounded yet.
You contemplate with thoughts he’s unfaithful as you walk directionless into the storm.
You try to ignore that gut feeling.
He buys you stuff and says he loves you.
He doesn’t have *** with you or touch you.

He won’t notice you’ve left and when you return you’ll pretend your wet face is only because the rain.

“I went for a walk”- you think though you know it won’t even escape your lips.
He never noticed anymore when you’re upset, he focuses his energy elsewhere.
Living inside his cellphone, withholding affection like all your boyfriends had.
Once he caressed your face and told you that he thought you were the most beautiful.

How many times did that line escape his lips with his past partners?
He called you beautiful twice in two years.
“I’ve never loved anyone before, not like this”.
How could you trust again after manipulation so suavely damaging?
Being a sudden caregiver to his child was complicating traumatizing.
You began to shut down and he offered no help.

“What do you expect me to do?”
He can’t ring back motherhood- though you’re just his “live in babysitter” you began to preform parental duties consisting of two parents.
Obliterating your role from caregiver to best friend.
Even though you often abandoned her with me while you were preoccupied with more important stuff than her.
What could have been more important than her?
Oh, right.

I washed everything.
I cleaned every mess.
I patented two children.
One thirty five one the same age of a child I placed for adoption-
You took everything from me.
And then you took the only thing that made me feel whole those years I played housewife.
I mourn the loss of the child I was caregiver to- my ex boyfriends daughter.

And even still- after everything horrible you told people about me.
How insane I was.
How I watched you sleep.
How many times did I wash your clothes.
Trim your fingernails.
Massage your feet.
You ******* coward- a happiness thief (wolf) in sheep’s clothing to blend in with the fragility.

A parcel of conviction.
Sleepless nights wondering if you were out dead- though your **** was messaging the inside of someone else’s ******.
And even still.
You lost everything and I did too.
But I ended up stronger than you.