all i want is to fall into the floor. i want to sink myself through the cracks of the wooden boards and weave myself into the rug. i lay here every night, hoping, waiting for the moment when the atoms in my body vibrate at just the right intensity that i pass through, becoming one with the ground. i want flowers to grow through my spine, baby's breath in my teeth, camellias in my hair. i want to squeeze my eyes shut so tight that i can drown out the voices that call after me: "no! not again! you'll fall asleep!"