Of all the scars
Amassed from misadventures many
Beside the ones I'm proud to have survived
And the ones I've humbly taken a lesson from
There is one scar I can't bear to see
A small scratch of a scar
But it's being so mild that drives me crazy.

This scar was created
By separation from someone
Who I once tried to be one with
Yet it is not the fact they left
That covers my taste buds in bitterness when I recall
But the fact that they only left

It's a small scar
And should've disappeared by now
But I can't keep myself
From reopening it to keep the pain fresh
In hopes that feeling some small pain
Over and over
May someday satisfy my desire to be punished

They left me with this scar
But I left them with many more
The deepest kind that comes from trusting
From believing in me
Before I believed in myself
And I betrayed this trust
This belief

Not once.
Not twice.
I left you with three deep cuts.

In moments of apathy
I lost sight of what you meant to me
I lost sight of everything
And with the will to live resigned
I told myself you deserved better
As if I had any say
A naive ******* and a child.

I hid behind these excuses
Believing I was a victim of my sickness
To deny responsibility
And whether because of exhaustion
Or some small part of you that still believed
I was granted a pardon
You would only leave and nothing more

But now that I've chosen to shoulder the blame I deserve
I'm sick to see this small scar is all I have
For all I've done to you
But maybe the punishment I want now
Is not the one I deserve.
Maybe this is justice
To ever so slowly burn.