Jul 2013
I felt tired and empty and aching and oh.so.alone in this struggle.
Life is so **** painful sometimes
Yet we still are supposed to stay here,
People are still “counting” on us to put on a happy face and carry on with our head and chin raised!
NO! You must not deter from LIVING!
Even in the face of Hurricane and gale-force winds that tear through your body and blacken your soul.
I walk on this path
Where madness and insanity are the only stepping stones.
And the voices get louder with each step I take.
They speak in familiar tones telling me how much I am hated, loathed, despised, unlovable.
And I know…I know how close I come…
When my vision becomes wavy and the voices grow louder and the counting begins…
Everyone hates you.
You are worthless.
No one cares.
Not a soul in this world would miss you.
So close…closer…closer…
I can feel his breath in my ear…
There is only one way to make him go away.
I am scared.
Sometimes petrified!
I work hard…so hard to just stay here
It’s difficult at times.
Like I use EVERYTHING in me to fight it.
And I’m scared.
What if I can’t?
What if nothing I have will work?
What if I succumb to the madness?
The clock is ticking so loud in my ear
I am shaking and digging through this box of keys, frantically searching for the right one.
And I know time is limited.
I know that I have to find that key before the clock stops.
What if I can’t find it?
Madness is just another for f@#ked up.
Don’t you think?
God…I am a quite literally mad.
I hate this – this rattling on and on until I fall off into the abyss.
Tumbling into the darkness
Not knowing where or even if, I will land.
I hate to think of everyone judging me.
I think you hate me.
I’m fairly certain it’s true.
Weak. Mad. Insane.
I hate me.
Why wouldn’t you?
I judge me…why shouldn’t you?
Weak…Mad…Insane…
It is too much sometimes…
Never really feeling alive,
So never really capable of dying to escape the cruel evil abusive memories of him
Who tear and claw at me, skinning me, burning me,
Killing me slowly
Oh.so.painfully.
I hear his anger.
I feel his hate.
And I fight…
I stay in survival mode and pretend everything is okay.
But why?
When I am certain not a soul would truly miss me.
Life is so **** painful sometimes
Yet we still are supposed to stay here,
People are still “counting” on us to put on a happy face and carry on with our head and chin raised!
NO! You must not deter from LIVING!
Even in the face of Hurricane and gale-force winds that tear through your body and blacken your soul.
I walk on this path
Where madness and insanity are the only stepping stones.
And the voices get louder with each step I take.
They speak in familiar tones telling me how much I am hated, loathed, despised, unlovable.
And I know…I know how close I come…
When my vision becomes wavy and the voices grow louder and the counting begins…
Everyone hates you.
You are worthless.
No one cares.
Not a soul in this world would miss you.
So close…closer…closer…
I can feel his breath in my ear…
There is only one way to make him go away.
I am scared.
Sometimes petrified!
I work hard…so hard to just stay here
It’s difficult at times.
Like I use EVERYTHING in me to fight it.
And I’m scared.
What if I can’t?
What if nothing I have will work?
What if I succumb to the madness?
The clock is ticking so loud in my ear
I am shaking and digging through this box of keys, frantically searching for the right one.
And I know time is limited.
I know that I have to find that key before the clock stops.
What if I can’t find it?
Madness is just another for f@#ked up.
Don’t you think?
God…I am a quite literally mad.
I hate this – this rattling on and on until I fall off into the abyss.
Tumbling into the darkness
Not knowing where or even if, I will land.
I hate to think of everyone judging me.
I think you hate me.
I’m fairly certain it’s true.
Weak. Mad. Insane.
I hate me.
Why wouldn’t you?
I judge me…why shouldn’t you?
Weak…Mad…Insane…
It is too much sometimes…
Never really feeling alive,
So never really capable of dying to escape the cruel evil abusive memories of him
Who tear and claw at me, skinning me, burning me,
Killing me slowly
Oh.so.painfully.
I hear his anger.
I feel his hate.
And I fight…
I stay in survival mode and pretend everything is okay.
But why?
When I am certain not a soul would truly miss me.
