I am currently hanging on to my sanity by the barest threads
Doing everything in my power to ignore the tightness in my neck
And the pain behind my eyes and my stomach doing flip-flops.
They are screaming at me as
I TRY NOT TO FREAK OUT RIGHT NOW!!
Internal terror!
And. I. am. Going. Insane!
I have a strong will.
Yes, I am quite willful!
I am sitting on the floor.
And rocking.
And my body is screaming.
And I cannot get warm.

I am trying to slow my breathing.
I am trying to calm myself down.
I am trying to remember where I am.
I am trying to figure out where I am.
I am trying to know that I am safe.
I am trying to keep myself safe.
I am trying to keep myself safe.
I am trying to keep myself alive.
I am trying to stay alive.
I am trying to keep breathing.
I am trying to breathe.

But it is still this moment, right now
This frightful moment
All I can do is just try to live through it.

I press a pillow to my face
And scream.