i was just a child
that never got to be one.
and now i am not anymore.
i had to grow up too fast
and now i am grown up.
i like to think i have the answers,
i use self reliance as
a defense mechanism.
being confused or feeling
out of control scares me.  
i have not grieved my childhood.
i have not yet fully accepted that
it is over and gone,
both the good and bad.
i do not want to carry it with me,
it is much too heavy and
i must make room for better things.
pain and abuse is all i have ever known.
can i stop nursing these old wounds
and move away,
move on?