Snap, crackle and pop go the synapses in my brain
Snap, crackle, pop
Snap, crackle, pop
Snap... fizzle, fizzle
****... that information's stuck in my frontal lobe again
With no dopamine to stimulate the bridge to my hippocampus.
And so, long term memory eludes me once again
Always burning on my fingertips
But never within my grasp
Floating away like dandelion seeds in the wind
Leaving me with an ugly, empty stem of information without meaning.
Determination means nothing
No will power will help me
Thoughts of mind over matter won't matter
When my mind fights off its own process of learning
By never allowing a still moment
My foot tapping, fingers drumming
Eyes snapping to their peripherals
Searching for movement that isn't there
Ears hearing sounds without decibels
Constantly keeping my attention divide
United in a cacophony of sights and sounds
So vibrant that I can't help but leave my task at hand
To follow the Pied Piper in my mind.
It's childhood exuberance
Turned into adolescent antics
And adulthood issues.
My loose lips will sink ships
When my mouth trips over every word and thought
A sturdy hull cannot be bought
When holes rot whether I like it or not
Efforts go for naught
When I can't tie a knot
Around my thoughts to keep my mind anchored.
When the flutter of a butterfly
Steals my eye for the umpteenth time
I could cry tears of joy and sadness
For the beauty and the madness of distractions
Reactions to each refraction of light
Fracture my productivity
Producing a hollow shell of what could be
If only this dopamine would not evade me.
I feel like I'm crazy
Lazy because my memories are hazy
My words escape me
Fading from my tongue like camera flashes
My thought process dashes from crash to crash
Trying to bridge the gaps between my synapses.
My shoulders are nearly collapsing under the weight
From the dead space hidden behind my oft red face
Embarrassed that I can't sit in place
Long enough to have the outlines of my memories traced
My poems can't keep pace
With the rate at which my pages are erased
So I must gauge my progress with a broken meter and cracked mirrors.
Crooked fears look at me while lurking in the sides of my eyesight
Spying on me and reminding me
Why I'm afraid to let these letters see the light of day in the first place.
I could do better
If this pressure would just stop thumping
With each and every word I say.
The cadence is clumsy
And the syntax, sloppy
But even adderall can't stop these thoughts from adding up and coming to solutions
Crudely hummed out of tune
And to the off beat of a thousand drunken drums.
The blunts can keep it quiet
But they have little tact
And can't keep the foundations of my thoughts in tact
Attacks are made at my hippocampus
Each time a new rhyme finds its way into articulation
My hands thirst for the corruption
Of a clean white page
But there's a knock at the door
And my concentration erupts
Forgetting the verbal seduction that was rushing through my head
Instead, letting the lines that could change her mind
Tango off into oblivion
Entwined with potential that I'm too blind to harness.
Maybe I'm just wasting time
Waiting to be part of the harvest
But, honestly... I would never part with this mind
Even with all those parts missing.
Still, I find myself wishing that it didn't have to be this way
I shouldn't have to struggle to remember my Mimi's voice each day.
I don't really know what else to say
Except that I hope beyond hope...
That... uh... ****.
Snap, crackle, fizzle.