I used to work so hard at love

I’d say things I didn’t want to say
but for some reason
It felt right
I’d look at a man  
And expect him to look back
In my way

I would walk on coals
He tried to make a mad woman out of me
Just so I could take it

Be strong
Stop being so maladaptive I’d say

I was exhausting my truth into something less than
meaning itself
This other version of desperation
A high I could not refuse
But secretly detested  

I was amused
I was excused

I made my fortune and now it’s churning
Like the meltdown of a butter stick emerging out of its cache
The cacophony of life enraptured in its cocoon

Feeling through the infield
unfiltered rays
A new way has come to me

Forever growing
Metamorphosed
in gratitude