We were lying together in your bed
I was gently drawing circles on your chest
        You were smiling and gently humming to yourself.
Every moment we spent together was always
        blissful and beautiful.

And I asked you a question
        as I turned my head to the side
                to listen to your heartbeat
                and see a glimpse of your face.

‘If you could go back and visit me at any age
        what age would you choose?’
Your heart pumped steadily
        You breathed evenly
        and you smile grew slightly larger.

‘Am I allowed to interact with you?’
        You always asked questions that I would never think of.

‘Sure,’
        I smiled.

‘I would go to you when you were thirteen.’

My body tensed.
        I was very different then
        I was shallow
        I was lost
        I was not the girl you fell in love with at thirteen.

You smiled.
You inhaled.

‘I would tell you that you are beautiful.
I would reassure you that you didn’t need them,
        that you have a bright and promising future ahead of you.
I would tell you that you are going to do amazing things.
I would help you not to worry about what they think.
I would ask you to never, ever change.

And I would tell you that you are right,
        you do not fit in
in the absolute best way possible.’