One day

I will wake up in the early morning

My fingernails aglow with sun

And I will not want to scratch the pain out of my skin.

One day

I will not be subject to

Pleasantries and masquerades,

Hellos and goodbyes and see-you-agains,

But be greeted with a small smile

And a nod of understanding.

One day

Someone will say they will stay by my side

Even when the sea inside me

Overflows, and drowns him too;

He says the tide will bring us back ashore.

One day

My fingers will not shiver

In summer, because the cold is never gone.

The blood in my veins will not carry the echo

Of hate and self deprecation.

One day

I will wake up without internally screaming,

And hey, who knows, maybe I’ll smile.

I will put on my yellow boots

Not as a reminder of the sadness I hide,

But a proportionate guarantee of the happiness I feel.

But today, you see,

Today I cannot find the strength to leave my bed;

The blinds will be closed the whole day and

The postman will know not to knock on my door.

Today

The sea inside me rages

And ****** the backside of my eyes,

Drenching my pillow with saltwater.

And in a blurry pointillism of blues

I will drown

Before I reach ashore.