When life's not going right
Guess you could say it's going wrong
Do what it is I always do
Pick up the telephone
Dial my favorite number
They've never steered me wrong
Of course that number is
1-800-Not My Fault

In any situation
At any given time
#1 on my speed dial
Connects me directly to their line
I seem to call it often
Not giving it much thought
My fingers know just where to go
1-800-Not My Fault

Missed your anniversary?
Or the twins Bar Mitzvah?
To avoid all the yelling and crying
Do it out of love
Remember this time around
You won't be doing it for naught
So pick up the telephone
1-800-Not My Fault

Cooking in the kitchen
You set the house on fire
The one time you do laundry
You throw your wife's tight jeans in the dryer
Fired from your job a month ago
For a month you've been hiding that with lies
Just so it is you don't get caught...dial
1-800-Not My Fault

So my friend remember this number
If your ever in a jam
Just excuse yourself a moment
Dial as fast as your fingers can
Age it does not matter
Neither being a woman, child, or man
No need to be distraught
Come on now...you know the number
1-800-Not My Fault