deflated
but still somehow filled to the brim with self hatred
i love you
three words that were once so heavy
that now just feel so empty

selfish as a lover
and selfish in pain
i wish you knew i still mean it all the same

i don’t love you any less
just because my head is a mess

sabotaging anything good
because i’m scared to love someone this much
i can only apologise

but even in that i’m selfish
because who am i sorry for
me or you

i want you to hate me
i deserve it all
leave me in my pain
because i deserve to feel it