When I was younger my babysitter was my sister
I would call her my baby sister but she was older than me five and a half years
A mother figure figuring out what to do
Telling me when to boil the water
Or when to change the laundry and
Put it in the dryer and
Always still having time to beat the **** out of me when she was frustrated
But I get it it's ok
It's alright we had to fight
The battles within ourselves externally and verbally
I remember when I called you fat
I didn't really know what it meant
I didn't know it would hurt you like that and
I felt so bad
I remember when grandma died
When you cried and cried and cried and so did I
Only because you were
I know I was always an annoying little kid
I remember at fourteen you fled to grandpas house and
I would soon follow because the pain became too much
I faltered and fell away slowly at first
But eventually my clarity was few and far between and
You became mean
'We don't want you here leave'
So at eighteen I put on my shoes and walked away into the distance
No more armed resistance to your pleas for abandonment
If you would've told me what to say or who to tell it to maybe I would've told somebody
Now we bounce off each other like transferred energy
A steel ball see saw pendulum
But we get along