how weird is it
growing up,
you were the best
you were going to make something out of yourself
and today
what you should be doing
and the procrastination that has never been an issue before
is crippling
humiliating
you're trying to be better
to be okay with taking it easy
but every so often
the shame and panic sets in
and you can't even do the basics
how do you explain it to people
people who say
"i'm still proud of you"
but
that doesn't matter
you're not proud of who you are
and wanting to be proud of yourself
when you feel so productive and mediocre
is the hardest heartbreak you ever have to endure?