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Dec 2020
Sitting in this class I feel as though I am wasting away with my thoughts costantly banging inside my head wanting to be free

I am drwonging in my own mind with these thoughts like an angry god stirring the ocean of my happines and peace

The god is drowning me and I am reaching twords the surface gasping for air but the techer drones on while I sit there seamingly bord

Inside my own head is a battle raging my fear a lonly worrior fighting for a place in my mind my anxity is an army of hate

My deppression is the godess of death with her staring eyes and mind breaking words

The techer continues to with the lesson, the lesson that in my mind is the thing fuling the flames of my anger and pain

The kids laugh while I walk by, I am invisible to everyone unless they want to bully me

The kids are the mosters and I am the monster hunter who lost their wepon and is fighting a onesided battle

My words are the double edged sword that while slicing down my enemys are cutting words in to my own skin

The teachers are the evil overlords I must defeat but this not a real fight this is just a normal day

That bag I wear on my back, no not the backpack, the depression and my thoughts make it impossible to run after my target

It is heavy and the sword I cary so bravly is dulling with every slice it takes of my enmeys and myself

I am waering the aroumr that protects my mind from the stress that is school that is the kids that is my deppression and my parents and my thoughts

I am carring a sword that is dull but looks sharp so no one thinks to ask if it is sharp enough or offer to help when they see me loosing my battles

I am have been shot down and stood back up when no one thought I would The teachers they act as though they care

The teachers are the traitors that are pretending to be on your side when in reality they are serving the my angry god just to tick off another curriculum box

That is my battle not one of bloodshed though it is and not one of physical but mental

I see my life as a novle that I am wirting but I am the villian and hero and lost soul, I am everything and nothing

If I see my life as a battle it is easier to face than if I see it as reality, in my mind I have superpowers and I am the greatest sword master though a clumsy one I will admit

We all mess up but if I mess up thats just one more thing my angry god can use against me

I am loosing to my angry god
;
If you are loosing to yourangry god plz feel free to talk to me. I know how hard it is.
Kole J McNeil
Written by
Kole J McNeil  18/Gender Fluid/Fraser Colorado
(18/Gender Fluid/Fraser Colorado)   
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