She was the older
Always the best
I was the second
And never felt seen

She didn’t want me
But I dragged along,
Trying to protect her
as my special one.

I made due with second
As she won every game
But I tagged along
Hoping to do the same.

At 16 she shouted and cried each day
And I left the house to avoid the display
I shuffled the leaves in the cold windy fall
And wished she would go away, any way at all.

At 17 she grew wilder and I watched her dissolve
Wondering where we were going, wanting it solved
Then on a cold December day she died,
Leaving me shivering in the holiday snow

Sixty years have passed and I’ve lived a great life
And I see I decided to be brave and daring
But finally I forgive me for wanting her gone and
Instead I thank her for silently urging me on.