Whatever it was
My body is dismembering itself trying to find it
If it ever existed at all
My personality mere shreds of a mind that once hosted the sporadic and filthy stages of grand plays all delicately directed behind a purposefully sheer curtin begging for tomfooler-esque low lifes to stop by for a show

I've never craved the feeling of decency but the ecstasy of pain and the cold dehumanization I thrived for so dearly seems now more a chaotic choice in paths than an exploitation of the weaknesses around me

I'd be just as happy baking to death in the desserts of an unhappy trip with no sober grip on reality
As I would be living happily ever after in a tastefully decorated house with realities despotic grip on me

But the choice is yours, not mine.