I always rehearse the things I would say to him in the case of a chance encounter. I run through different scenarios and perfect my wording, my syntax, my inflection, my ****** expressions, my tone of voice, my eyes, my breaths, until the skit resembled a fraction of the impact I could dream of in my head. Over a year later, and I’m still doing this. I know this is what we as humans do. I know it’s okay. And yet, I can’t help but wonder to myself; what am I trying to prove?
And then I realize- he resembles my insecurities about myself. I’m trying to prove something to him because I’m trying to prove something to me. And perhaps this is more terrifying to admit, because it means it’s not entirely about him. It’s about me accepting- embracing- who I am, flaws and all.