I  ******* hate this feeling

When something's clawing at my chest
And all I see is black darkness

When somethings gnawing at my mind
And all I can think about is my sadness

When I absolutely cant stop my eyes
from blurring with tears

When I have to bite my lips and clench my fists
Against the wave of emotions

When I want to juts **** it, rip my heart out
And stomp on it

When I have to punch the bathroom walls instead

When I have to stifle sobs against the pillow
or in the toilet cause it might echo

When I can't scream myself hoarse
can only pull at my hair and my skin
cant even scream my own name

God

I miss feeling good.