Isolated but never alone
surrounded by noise
yelling and shouts and anger and doors
creaking and slamming and sliding
footsteps constant
the house is never still
and I can't break my silence
I can't say a word
I cannot sing the way I wish to
freely and loudly and brokenly
I want to rip my vocal chords out with the sheer force of my cries
but I keep them quiet
small sounds muffled by sheets
I want my friends but they are long gone
Some far by miles and some far by will
willful ignorance
I'm wounded and their messages are salt rubbing in
digging into my skin
tearing thin lines across my skin
razor thin lines down my legs
down my arms
thin lines I imagine but never carve
I won't because I know now
I know how to breathe
I know how to sleep away the hurt
sleep for weeks and months
sleep through a pandemic
sleep through the pain