i don't mean to blame
other people

but i find it ironic that
they tell me i was fine till i was
fifteen , yet i can remember
being twelve and so
terrified of being late

seriously, **** that guy
who screamed in my face
when i was sobbing and shaking
and hiding in bathrooms
because i thought everyone
would think i was an idiot
if i came five minutes past
start.

anyway
i just feel like it's never that
simple. i am not a sudden person.
i never will be.

i showed the signs. they didn't see them.
and it's my fault that i couldn't recognize them?
that i couldn't be introspective before i was even
out of middle school?

haha, yeah. fifteen and suddenly ****** up
depressed and anxious and angry and lost
impossible! i was in honors courses!
no way in hell that i was so ****** up before!

well, now i'm here
still a *******
still afraid
and now there ain't time
to be fixed