If I looked at a picture of you to long
The chasm in my chest opens.
And all the sadness
And emptiness inside that
I've hidden behind walls of
"I'm fines" and smiles
Flows out of me.
Coating me in tar like devastation.
Wrapping around my throat,
Until tears well up in my eyes,
And my throat feels raw from the effort,
Of holding in tears determined to be shed.
And I'm forced to look away.
Away from the man I've loved my whole life.
Away from the person who raised me.
My most treasured gift.
And the tar crushes my outsides
Until I cant breath on the inside.
Until my lungs feel as if
They've been crushed by
100 years worth of heartache.
And I'm reminded of the hole,
Filled with liquid black sadness
That has taken up my insides since you've gone.
Covered only be a membrane as thick
And strong as ash.
I try not to look at your pictures to long.
But,
I miss your face,
And the sound of your voice.
And yet,
My home is full of pictures of you,
of Us.
I spend most of my days,
With my eyes to the ground.
Just waiting,
For the tar.