i’m so tired, tired of all this escaping. it reminds me of that part in all the horror movies, the ones where the characters are running for their lives; they aren’t entirely sure what it is they’re running from, they just know that it will be the death of them. i have this pit in my stomach and my brain is on fire and i cannot - for the life of me - figure out why. i don’t know what’s chasing me, i just know that i better not let it catch up. i’ve been sprinting, trying so hard to be holy, that i didn’t notice i don’t actually want to die. but I’m afraid that’s what it means to be holy. I’m going to stop running.