growing up i was fascinated by the feeling of your head breaking through the water's surface
now i'm addicted to the feeling of drowning

no that's too violent, too extreme - it's not like that at all

more like falling
or floating

just letting myself fall, deeper and deeper
the sound of the world getting more and more faint
the more i fall
but it's okay because everything is so calm, so peaceful and so still

in liquid, the world freezes for me
i become fluid, the only thing that moves
the only constant thing

something that i can focus on
the feeling of falling
while the world stops around me

it's too late to try and swim back up to the surface
even if i wanted to
i can't even panic
because nothing matters at that point
the damage is done
i may be moving but my body, my mind is still