you ever look out into the darkest of nights,
your hair tousled in the damp grass,
the sounds of crickets tuning their wings
the very evening breeze the clouds bring
and just wonder what life is all about?
does it ever dawn upon you,
when the sun rises in the east,
the warmth it showers
as you're tossing and turning in bed,
fighting off the nightmares, the
sheer reality that things will never get better?
maybe it just happens to me,
alone in a padded wall of god awful
yellow wallpaper
my velvet hair spread across the pillow
with teddy bears of symbolic names,
I wonder if it is even worth opening my mouth
because I begin to find it as much as a waste of time
as the people that "listen."
I try not to,
as I take a sip of the lukewarm tea
with a quirky saying about nerds
and think to myself,
"Perhaps my purpose is of the quiet nerd."
seen but not heard,
powerful when spoken,
yet whispers the quiet words
that are never meant to be more
than a mumble.
it's pretty sad,
binge-watching an old sitcom
for the tenth time
feeling more connected with digitized
"old souls"
more than my own kin,
my own friends
my own love.
curled up in a bed too small
a blanket too cold
and socks too tight
feeling like a misfit among the misfits.
as I play my music,
both cynical and seductive
contemplating my place in the universe
instead of being educationally productive.
my eyes hardly ever close
until the break of dawn
where the sun rises yet again
and the night is gone
only to repeat the cycle
like the little infant I once was
peddling fast on her green tricycle.