I try so hard to run away from how you make me feel.
You know my true feelings, though I still seem melancholy.
You ask me why, but my lips are sealed.

It is not that the emotions aren't genuine.
My whole life all I've known is how to distance myself so I don't get hurt.
A defense mechanism, I'm a human iceberg.
Drifting,
floating,
the opposite way.
I just don't have the words to say-
I just don't have the courage to be-
happy.
So I do my best to be sad.

It's not fair to you,  
but before this sadness is all I ever had.
So it's what I expect.

I try to be distant still,
but my insides are screaming for these chains
that are freezing me to be broken.
I let my guard down.
You flash me that smile, and they melt.

Despite the small diamonds that you see
rolling down my cheeks,
you say, "Just please be happy... for me."
So for you I struggle to fuse who I am, and who I was.
I refuse to let past events make first love a catastrophe.