It all starts with a feeling of pure fear and discomfort. Every day I swallow pills prescribed to make me happy but all they do is leave me more empty. The Serotonin and Dopamine deficiency is rooted deeper than the pills can reach.
Nobody knows what's going on inside of my head, and I've always wanted it to stay that way. But I’ve grown to realize that keeping my voice quiet will be the death of me.
I've got the kind of sadness you can't laugh away. I got the kind of exhaustion you can't sleep away. I got the kind of pain you can't medicate away. I got the kind of stress you can't drink away. Taking walks and yoga can't heal this. I sit in my bed all day counting down the hours until I can go to sleep. I lay awake staring at the roof until the room bathed in sunlight and I pressed replay. I lose myself for hours staring into the wall wishing I had the energy to pull the trigger I go for long walks lasting for hours in the end while chain-smoking to ease my thoughts I scream but at the bottom of the sea while drowning your words lose their meaning Nicotine and tar make me numb for long enough to catch my breath
Let me be
I’m a mess
I'm fragile, but not fragile like a flower
I’m fragile like a bomb
One wrong move and I blow up and destroy everything and everyone around me.
But I’m too far gone to care