Sep 2020
I scan my phone for love
And to see if I can become more
loveable.
While the washing machine spins into a panic.
I miss and yearn
Long and miss.
Then I change things.
Like I always knew I would.
I take control of my death
Life becomes a painting
Full of beautiful mistakes
Held lovingly against the perfection of nature
Like the sea colour of leek leaves against new soil.
Like a crow playing hawk against a blue sky.
And to see if I can become more
loveable.
While the washing machine spins into a panic.
I miss and yearn
Long and miss.
Then I change things.
Like I always knew I would.
I take control of my death
Life becomes a painting
Full of beautiful mistakes
Held lovingly against the perfection of nature
Like the sea colour of leek leaves against new soil.
Like a crow playing hawk against a blue sky.
As an only child with no children by choice and now in a new town, I feel helpless and vulnerable about the future. Then I think of the choices I have made. I always thought voluntary euthanasia was wrong. Now I realise it is just another model.
