I want to get away from here
But, the car won't start
I bang on the steering wheel
Floor the gas over and over until the engine finally catches
Quick smile of satisfaction, escape plans can take place now
I need to pack
I stare at my empty backseat
All that was on my mind was getting out
I ran in the house frantic, bumping into things and knocking them over
Idk what to take
Idk where I'm going, I just know I'm leaving
And now
I see my dog anxiously waiting to figure out what's happening
I put her, her food and bed in the car
She's the most important package
The car sputters a bit, I send it a wavering look and it goes steady again
I speed back into the house, times racing, I need to be leaving
I run up the stairs
Skipping steps as I go
I knock over your picture, the one picture I didn't put away
I'm caught in a moment and am frozen
I trace your face with my finger, a tear slides gently down my cheek
What if you'd stayed? Would things be better? Would they be happier?
Or would you be happy because I'd make sure you were, and at the end of the night, I stare and fight tears at the person looking back at me that I can't recognize
Was I happy? I hug your picture as if to say goodbye again, and I know I'll just never be able to explain missing you this much
I sit the frame back down, grab my bag and start chucking clothes inside of it.
Packed it to the brim, could barely zip it
Idk where I'm going, let alone if I'm coming back
Last thing in my bag is my pills. My key to happiness pills
The lock must be jammed.
I go around and shut and lock all the windows and doors
Hand on the door ****, I notice a card laying on the floor
It's your business card, with you it's all business
I can't think of the last time I used this for anything
I can't think of what I'd use it for
It's one of those numbers with no answering machines
Just a pointless call
I toss it in the trash, that is the last time I'll come across that
I open the door, lock it and shut it quickly behind me
Throw my bag in the trunk
Take one last look around me
Take one last look at my home
The only place that'll ever really know the truth
Tears swell up in my eyes
I wave slightly, it feels like I'm leaving behind an old friend
I open the car door
I put on my seatbelt and adjust my mirrors
Pat my dog on the head
Time ticks by
I shoulda been outta here hours ago
I just didn't know how to say goodbye
So I just didn't
I back out, and slowly pull off
My home in my rear view mirror
My life up until now
Only because the car started
It's a sign
I have to keep going
The past lingers there, the future, the trip is unknown
All I gotta do now is drive
So I am
Faster, the imagines fading
My heart racing
I want to get away from here
Foot presses on the gas
Tears dripping
But, the car started
So I left