it’s a year of firsts without you here. thanksgiving is coming up and you’re. not here.
fall and winter don’t feel. good to enjoy without you. and there’s a hole. deep inside that I’ve tried and tried to fill. but there’s nothing in this world. to fill the hole you left. stared the bottle down. cursed this life a hundred times. I’m quick to anger. quick to run when things get hard. damn good at hiding my pain under something else. christmas isn’t gonna be the same. you should be here. hold a spot at the table just. for you and your kindness. don’t want to. start a new year without you. don’t want to start. a new year without you. all the way across. the country far away. from you and the place I called home. grief is. complicated and messy and circular. I wish. I had gone to your funeral. If not to be. with family. but to say goodbye to you. goodbye to you. words I’ll never be ready to say. you were mine. my world. my north star. the flame that kept my life candle burning. love you more. love you most. miss you till. I see you again.