i am bored of the same scenario
routine
cycle
of the cloned relationships i find
and seek
and devote my time into
continuing the patterns
of heart shaped bruises
on my chest and knuckles.
i feel as if i am outside of myself
looking down at my small frame
strong on the outside
but feeling weak on the inside.
i see myself, holding onto the cage
of this dream and desire to simply
be loved as i am
and not as i am wished to be
not by anyone
but just by me.
for the desires of a partner
are long gone
washed away by years of tumultuous
relationships and false promises,
that idea is jaded and lost
and replaced by the solid gold
concept of loving myself.
that pendant wrapped around my neck
choking me but also
somehow giving me the perspective
that loneliness is my freedom right now.
i wish to wake up to myself
and say,
"thank you for existing, me."

that will be the best day of my year