again and again,
you well up in the pits of my chest,
carve holes where my heart should be
and leave me hollow, empty.

you leave me and make me believe
that for once, i'll be okay
and it'll last for days, weeks,
and if i'm lucky, a month.
but unknown to me,
you're simply hiding around the corner,
taking little peeks and snickering to yourself,
laughing at my spurts of optimism
and as soon as you rear that ugly head,
you put me right back where i started.

i can't sleep.
i don't want to eat.
i can't bring myself to speak,
and i spend my nights alone,
all by myself, just me as i weep.

that's four nights now,
four this week that i've cried myself to sleep.
my eyes still burn from tonight,
a mere fifteen minutes ago, or so.
i hope you enjoyed the show.
i hope you gain some sort of satisfaction,
watching me struggle and deal with
all of this unnecessary pain,
these torturous aches and
the loose wires in my brain.

i just want to know why,
why me of all people?
have i done some wrong,
have i been unpleasant?
any answer will do.

but it's funny to me
because i hate you so,
yet, as of late, you're all i have.
i've no longer have anyone to talk to,
no one to listen, no one who cares.
as pesky as you are, you're always there.

isn't it funny,
the way your enemies stay close,
while those presumed 'best' leave?
like my demons love me more than those who say they love me,
and not many love me to begin with.

and i try to stay out of that deep old hole
that i'd dug myself into all those years ago,
as it'd only deepened more and more
in recent months - i'm surprised i haven't reached the earths core.
but i think i'm close.
i might be close.

but I don't want to be.