I let some guy **** me today.



I did not know him,
                                nor did I want to.


I simply slid into his bed
       and made myself hard and cold

I wanted, I think,
              to ******* out of my mind

But I only succeeded
                      in splitting myself into
   two parts.

The empty shell of me,

                   and my soul. My feelings,
       my emotions, my thoughts.
                  My strength and goodness

shrunk down to a wet pile in
the pit of my stomach

And it is only now
                          that I will
admit
                    that I am still in love with you.

Maybe that's my problem.
I don't know anymore.

I keep trying to identify what's wrong

                so I can just fix it.

Last week I had low self-esteem.
The week before that I was afraid of being alone
The week before that, I just
                loved you and I was
                scared that you'd leave.

and now you've left
                                     but you were the only
person that knew how to fix me

                                  when I'm broken