I sit. The grass is damp with the light rain that falls upon my head.

“It’s been a while”, I say, breaking the silence. Not that there’s anybody here to respond. Not anymore. I close my eyes, inhaling deeply. Trying to calm down the nerves that are still here after all this time, the beating of my heart.

All this time. All those wasted years of space for nothing. It’s unbreakable, the heavy blanket in the air, the one holding all the words in the past that I cannot bear to bring up. The one that is better left alone, forgotten.

There is so much I want to say.
So much that I won’t say.

The rain begins to pour heavier. The drops are now pounding against me, my clothes soaking wet. The wind picks up sticks and pebbles, and I watch as they scatter across the ground,

I do not move.
Instead, I stay still. Letting the sky cascade against me, as it forms puddles in the soil. The pitter pat sound is strangely comforting. I take everything in and nothing in at the same time, only focusing on the noise, ignoring the cold, the want to go run back inside.

I’m tired of running.

I want to believe that you’re up there watching, proud. That you can find it within your heart to forgive me for being a coward, for being unable to take the step forward. That even after all these years of silence between us, we are still there, existing between the universe.

I hope that one day, in the future, I will return, changed for better.
That I will finally tell you all the things I should have said long ago.