Notes to a lover who once was

If I go over
what I did enough times
Laugh it out the way you did
As if my feelings were
in of themselves
a joke to be had

If I wish you away in my mind
Think of anything but your touch
The sweet one where
you rumble deep
Memories
Please fade away

You buried your face beneath your hands the first time
I walked into your place
Embarrassed by its state
as if it wasn’t a fact of your existence
Testimony to your state of pause

I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!

Apologies in fast succession

OCD triplets Im familiar

I play back the hours that we share the same space

I smell the instability in the air.

Faint but present under cigarettes and old spice

Familiar like family

Eager to enter (me)

Beneath the banter (sweet and constant)

Slowly you pace the apartment searching for a plug you’d lost the year before.

Wasting time because it seems to be your comfort zone.

I lay back and patiently wait for you to do the same.

But you continue to delay.

Unsettled.