it's been awhile
since i wrote anything
for anyone
even for myself.

the day before yesterday
i decided that
i can no longer live
alongside this
cold river of silence

i crossed it.

fingers crossed
legs trembling
head's spinning
hands shaking
right into your
cold embrace.

and i realized that the sun
will never shine on me again
ever.

half of my heart
whispers
agreeing with
your very words
that i deserve everything

this chill
down my spine
this pain
all over my body
and this heaviness
upon my crooked heart.

i replayed your words
in my palace
letter by letter.

each second passes by
and not a single one
pass by
without reminding me
that i might never
get across
this river.

x

yesterday
i woke up as if
nothing had happened
like the day before yesterday
i never drowned
and got lost in the currents

x

today
i am pretty **** sure
the river got me good

the stones below my feet
laughed at my tears
these water running
chuckled at my regret
these trees
turned away
hoping that this man
would drown faster

it was made sure
by nature
and by Fate herself

no sunrise
nor drought
can get me through
this time.