The thought of you
makes me sick now.
You are no longer
a bittersweet memory.
Those things changed,
the love changed,
when you reminded
me just how worthless
I was.
Your name makes me cringe.
I think about kissing you again sometimes
but then I remember your poison lips
and your searching hands
that reminded me I was just a body.
Nothing you will ever say
can change the way I remember you.
Stop trying to fix it.
Stop trying to fix me and make
me feel as if I'm crazy and still need you.
You cannot tell someone they are worthless
because of their scars
and then try to kiss the scars you left away.
And I wished you'd never touched me.
Because every place you've touched is scarred
by the memories and thought of you.
I hate myself for loving you
and I wish I hadn't
so that I may think of my neck
without imagining you being the noose
that was hanging me
in my own shame and self hate.