Jul 2020
I'm not quite sure when I first realized I had this trait. The trait of which I speak is honesty, or to put it in a veranacular phtase, "no *******." Bullshitting is a sin against yourself; it will rot your soul. For as long as I can remember, I have been unabashed, outspoken, unafraid to reveal my true self. For me, it is
exhilirating, reaffirming. For so many others, it is at best annoying, at worst anger-provoking. Most people are afraid to be themselves. Indeed, they go to great lenghts to disquise who they truly are, how they really feel--a kind of psychological make-up to conceal their real selves. Doing that puts them into their own prison. Bars have a dual function: it keeps a person locked in, un-
consciously self-protected and "safe." And it keeps all others locked out, thereby ensuring no threat of scrutiny by others. But this duality keeps
the person who will go at great lenghts to create and maintain this illusory safety frozen forever. To be open, to be forthcoming, to be always my real
self, is for me liberating. It matters not to me what anyone thinks about what I say or do or am. What does matter, and will always matter most to me, is what
I think of myself. For if first i cannot be true to myself, I then cannot be true to the infinite Cosmos and everything in it. I am willing to die than become an apostate. I would rather be dead than be a liar. Before the firing squad pulls its triggers, the head might say to me "Stand a little to the left." And I would oblige him.
Copyright 2020 Tod Howard Hawks
exhilirating, reaffirming. For so many others, it is at best annoying, at worst anger-provoking. Most people are afraid to be themselves. Indeed, they go to great lenghts to disquise who they truly are, how they really feel--a kind of psychological make-up to conceal their real selves. Doing that puts them into their own prison. Bars have a dual function: it keeps a person locked in, un-
consciously self-protected and "safe." And it keeps all others locked out, thereby ensuring no threat of scrutiny by others. But this duality keeps
the person who will go at great lenghts to create and maintain this illusory safety frozen forever. To be open, to be forthcoming, to be always my real
self, is for me liberating. It matters not to me what anyone thinks about what I say or do or am. What does matter, and will always matter most to me, is what
I think of myself. For if first i cannot be true to myself, I then cannot be true to the infinite Cosmos and everything in it. I am willing to die than become an apostate. I would rather be dead than be a liar. Before the firing squad pulls its triggers, the head might say to me "Stand a little to the left." And I would oblige him.
Copyright 2020 Tod Howard Hawks
A graduate of Andover and Columbia College, Columbia University, Tod Howard Hawks ha been a poet, a noovelist, and a human-rights advocate his entire adult life.
