Impossible mission to avoid senescence
nevertheless, yours truly sought
to hold back hands of time
aging petrified me, and imposed
(Uriah) heap of great expectations
and unwanted responsibilities.

In short, I did not want to grow up
forced to don mantle of adulthood
instead hankered and hungered
for fictionally nostalgic boyhood
whereby every day
exemplified hunky dory nirvana.

Scapegoat my middle name
bullies identify perfect bullseye
analogous to trumpeting antagonists
me as carnival barker calls out:
step right up draw an arrow from quiver
take aim at mine plainly affixed target.

Deplorable basket case loathed adult role
idealized mythical boyhood
refrained eating courtesy anorexia nervosa
deprived growing body sustenance
scores of Earth orbitz round sun since puberty
vehemently decry growth process sabotaged
self stigmatized stunt(ed) man
I stand on tippy toes, a pygmy among giants.

Sadness ofttimes eclipses
hijacked and jackknifed joy
aware emotional faculty
thru conscious facilitated meditation
can jar infinitesimally
long log jammed **** friggin
invisible obstruction along battle creek.

Linkedin with recovery coach,
I experienced (today July 20th, 2020)
around high noon cathartic enlightenment,
which revelation heightened awareness
how when just a lil lad yours truly
exhibited socially withdrawn demeanor
mollycoddled by overprotective parents
placed no demands upon their

sole contemplative introspective,
and ruminative non prodigal son,
yet upon edging into adulthood
self same idiosyncratic person (i.e. me)
faulted for supposed antipathy
(lack of genuine interest)
toward other family members.

Absent marginal positive self image
infinitesimal if ever present
within grown docile scaredy cat,
his informal assignment
accepted with little objection
constituted the following:

Daily repeated (ideally more than once)
self affirmations jotted down
(courtesy brainchild
of yours truly, yet prompted
by unnamed magnificent therapist
employed by creative health services)
strongly suggested technique
to seed empowerment fostering joie de vivre.

The waning days of
mein kampf and hard times
flicker with cautious optimism to wax poetic
versus anecdotal personal gloom frequently cited
spring from raw bits whereby yours truly
thee focus of disproportionate
maternal and paternal affections

(an immediately recalled factotum)
unwittingly created sibling envy
dur my formative years
never known to yours truly then
only counted decades
ex post facto courtesy mother
some months prior to her death.