I looked out the window,
it was the only thing that could calm me,
well that and Nan's tea,
But nan was dead and so was everything that made me happy,

I stood there, just staring out the 2nd floor bathroom window,
somehow the silence, the streetlight and the potted plants on our neighbors balcony calmed me,
I wasn't having a panic attack,
No it was just my friend anxiety,

Anxiety and I met when I was a mere 10 years old,
I never liked her, no one could,
And she wasn't just my friend but rather everyone's,
She was like one of those toxic people who you could never seem to get rid of,

My thoughts came to a halt when I heard a rooster cluck,
It was an odd hour for a rooster to cluck,
It was 3 am,
But then again who knows maybe I heard something else and mistook it for a cluck,

I could hear my school mates voices in my head, Strange old crazy Sabene, day dreaming are we,
They never said it to my face, they were scared to,
After all I was taller than them by a foot,
But I could feel the judgement in their eyes,

But alas, they would never understand me, I had lost my father,
To them it was so what, there were other girls in my school who had lost their fathers and they were fine,
What they failed to understand was that our situations were different,
Those girls were sheltered from problems, had familial support,

Imagine this waking up one day,
all excited for the school trip,
Only to find your Aunt's husband at the gate,
With a crane,
Threatening to shatter your House's wall,

Life for me was like that,
I was happy, that wasn't acceptable, que exhibit A,
It was like this for years and then I decided you know what,
I won't get attached to anything so the universe can't take anything away from me