it has been too long
since my mind has wandered,
journeyed down the rabbit hole
and put words together.
life has changed,
events have arranged
in such a way that
I myself may actually learn
to feel better.

I stand before you all
behind the confines of a desk
sometimes a mess
and other times writing these
words
these alliterations
of altercations and hypocrisies
just as a way to de-stress.

it has come to a point
where within myself I see
the damage for what it truly is
and just this once
amongst its roots
I see not others,
not the toxic mother
nor the controlling parents
the troubled siblings
or judgemental relatives.
for once,
through the rough edges
I see me.

I want to save her,
to pull her out in the warmest embrace
let her know it is okay
to love
to hate
to be happy or irate
take the pleasure and the pain
inside that beautiful twisted brain.
I want to want myself,
to look in the mirror and see beyond the scars.
a flawed doll she may be,
but even they have an untapped beauty.