It is
what I do
since the 50's
of my 18 years —

Mummy, do you
cry when you
walk away
and leave me
crying here (too?)

There were wars
where we fought it out,
like angry soldiers
without cause —
without loyalty...

So mummy, you should know,
I will forever
be loyal to you
even when I tell you
I am upset with you,
even when you
are digging your claws
so cluelessly
into my throat —

A fortune teller
once told you,
you told me,
that I didn't know,
sometimes,
if you loved me;
You said then,
"There's no way, right?"
like you weren't sure, and
I said, "Of course not."
I did not lie,
I know.
(even when my nightmares were of you forgetting me)

Like a person waking up from a car crash,
I know I have all my limbs,
I just don't
remember,
and I am just
scared.